- Thursday, 30 January 2020
Anxiety makes you feel like a burden. You don’t want to text your friends, even though you’re dying to hang out with them, because you’re worried they won’t want anything to do with you. You don’t want to walk over and say hello to your crush, even though you’re tempted to make a move, because you’re worried they’re going to look at you funny. You don’t even want to walk up to the cashier, even though you’re next in line, because you’re worried about bothering them.
That’s how anxiety makes you feel. Like you’re a bother. A waste of time. A nuisance : You might get anxious because you’re worried about making a fool of yourself, because you’re scared of socializing, because you don’t want to stumble over your words or your own two feet, but when it comes down to it, the thing you’re worried about is being rejected. Being judged. Being told you aren’t good enough. Being looked at like you’re an outsider, like you don’t belong, like you’re unwanted.
Anxiety tricks you into feeling unloved. It makes you feel like you’re the one who cares more in every relationship. It makes you wonder whether all of your friends secretly hate you, even when they’ve never given you any indication of such a thing.
Whenever someone is nice to you, it feels like a trick. Whenever someone glances at you, it feels like they’re judging. Whenever you leave the house, it feels like a challenge : Anxiety tricks you into feeling unimportant. It makes you feel like you don’t have the right to voice your opinion. Like whatever you have to say doesn’t make a difference. Like no one wants to hear it. You think twice before you speak, because you’re worried about saying the wrong thing, but by the time you’re ready to open your mouth, the conversation has already shifted. You’ve already lost your chance to join in. You feel like you’re always missing out, like you’re always watching through a window.
Anxiety tricks you into feeling unappreciated. You feel like no one notices all of the hard work you’ve been putting into your work and your relationships. You feel like no one cares about the stress you’ve been under. All you want is a pat on the back, the tiniest bit of validation, but you never get it, so it feels like you must be doing something wrong. It feels like you must not be good enough. Anxiety tricks you into feeling uninspired. It makes you feel like you’re never going to do anything worthwhile with your life. Like you’re never going to be considered successful. Like you’re never going to reach your dreams. If you’re not careful, it can fool you into settling, into thinking a mediocre life is enough because you don’t deserve anything more than that.
The worst part of anxiety is feeling like you’re unloved, unimportant, and unappreciated — but you have to remember that your anxiety is playing tricks on you. The horrible things you’ve been thinking other people are thinking aren’t true. No one is judging you as harshly as you’ve been judging yourself. No one else hates you as much as you hate your anxiety.